Dear Hetalia, Please Make Me Laugh
by pondwonderful
Summary: First, there was FML with Hetalia, then, there was MLIA with Hetalia. Now, the time has come for Dear Blank, Please Blank with Hetalia! Yes, I went there XD Pairings vary from chapter to chapter, but don't really matter much. Join America and company on these fun moments and prepare to laugh!
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: Well, this is my first story in *counts* three years. I've since then grown addicted to websites, such as Dear Blank, Please Blank, which broke my addiction to MLIA (My Life is Average). Also, I've grown to become absolutely obsessed with Hetalia (who hasn't?) So, I've decided to combine these two entities, and create this…I don't even know what this is XD. These will all be short drabbles, which I will make it my commitment to update every weekend for your entertainment purposes. You should be aware that America will be a main character in a lot of these, and that OCs will be involved. I'm still not quite sure if there will be any yaoi hints in here. I guess there is if you squint and tilt your head, but the main purpose is for comedy so it doesn't matter. Long author's note is long. Without further ado, may the mayhem commence!_

Dear Blank, Please Blank: Hetalia Style~

Chapter 1: Britain to America

Britain was a tolerant man. All of his years had given him more patience with stupidity or idiotic behavior. Especially, the stupidity in the form of America. However, even his patience and gentlemanlike behavior runs out, and reveals his sarcastic and often cynical self. Specifically, with the complete and utter butchering of his, _his_ language, mind you, and his accent that he was stuck listening to by the American next to him. What in God's name gave the git the nerve to try to speak like him? It was an utter outrage, and also just plain terrible.

"'Ello there!" America said, as Britain rubbed his temples, hoping to ease the throbbing in his skull. "_Why of all the things that annoy me, this bloody git picks the worse one of all?" _He thought to himself as America continued talking in that ridiculous excuse for a British accent. Britain would admit that he liked Americans' interest and amazement in his peoples' accents, but never did he approve of Americans _attempting_ the accent. There was only those select few that could pull it off. His former charge's voice cut off his thoughts.

"What's the matter, Artie? Gotta headache?" The American asked, "You can't handle my awesomeness you wish you had?" Arrogant wanker. Britain glared at America, wishing he could choke him right then and there, but somehow, by some sort of divine intervention, he kept his composure.

"You know America," the Briton started. "Don't you find it ironic how once you wanted to be completely different from me, now you're trying to talk _like_ me." America looked blank eyed for a moment, before speaking up.

"Well, I'll admit that one thing cool about you is your accent," America admitted.

"You'd have a cool accent too if you hadn't thrown all of that tea in the bloody water," Britain said, his eye twitching at the memory of all of his precious tea being dumped into the Boston Harbor, then again burning down the White house in 1814 was suitable revenge. Something suddenly snapped in the Brit's head.

"You just said that my accent was cool," he said slightly blushing. "I'll admit I'm flattered, but that in no way gives you that right to use it!"

"Was my accent that bad?"

"I'm surprised that my ears are still attached, America."

"Oh, I guess I'll stop then," America said suddenly down. "I'll just talk in a French accent instead! Is that okay?" Britain smirked in amusement.

"By all means."

_Dear Americans, _

_ You'd have cool accents too if you didn't throw all that tea in the water_

_ Sincerely, The British_

_A/N: Now, did you like it? I hope you did! Review, s'il vous plait! Reviews are my supply of life!_


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: Haha! I've done it again! *applauds self* After the process of deleting and reuploading, it's finally how I want it to be, I think. The footnotes hate me so ignore them :P Screw you, Word 2007! Ahem, now that's done~ I was so happy when I posted the first chapter, came home from the hospital (my nephew was just born), and seeing six new emails containing story alerts, favorites, and reviews. It made my day, so I'm putting shout outs at the end of the chapter. This one is longer than the first one, I think, depends on how it turns out __. This one contains state-tan OCs, for the sake of the concept, it was too funny not to do. Warning: Major stereotypes, and bashing of political figure, so try not to take it too seriously. Without further ado, enjoy._

_Since I missed this last chapter…._

_Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia: Axis Powers or Dear Blank, Please Blank, if I did…well, let's NOT think about that, shall we?_

Dear Hetalia, Please Make Me Laugh

Chapter 2: Texas to Alaska

"They're at it again?" America asked his oldest state, Virginia. She nodded in reply, as Texas and Alaska argued.

"It never fails, does it?" New Jersey asked New York, who smirked while pushing up his glasses.

"I wonder who's going to win this round," he said as he snickered to himself, and made a bet with Nevada. The other northeastern states nodded in agreement. They watched as Alaska, the largest state, argue with Texas, the second largest state. What they were arguing about, no one knew, but then again no one cared.

Alaska inherited many traits from his former care taker, Russia, including his height, violet eyes, and ash blonde hair. One thing that everyone was thankful for that he didn't take from Russia, was his psychotic demeanor, or carrying around a large pipe faucet. Overall, Alaska was a gentle giant, who respected everyone, but kept his distance, until Texas comes in the picture.

Now, Texas was almost the spitting image of America himself. Take away the ahoge, glasses, change the eye color to green, add a cowboy hat, and there's Texas. He has a good attitude, and likes being around everyone. Being the two largest states, in addition being complete opposites, Texas always tried to find a way to annoy Alaska, secretly jealous of his larger size. Most of the time, the two end up in an argument , or an insult battle, usually the latter. When that starts, the gentle giant isn't so gentle anymore.

The two states could go on and on and on, but instead of stopping it the other 48 states and America watched in either amusement or annoyance. The two instances that they actually stopped them is when Alaska threatened to have Russia bomb Texas, and when Texas threatened to secede from the Union again.

"All your people ever do is sit around and do nothing," Alaska yelled. "Not to mention you have some of the fattest cities in America."

"No need to bring Dallas, Houston, or El Paso into this (1). At least my people ain't forced to live in igloos," Texas chided back.

"Firstly, дурак (2), they choose to live in igloos, and second, most of them don't even _live_ in igloos!"

"That's what you want us to think, ain't it?"

"At least I didn't give us George Bush," Alaska yelled.

"You gave us Sarah Palin," Texas replied. "Take her back, and keep your politicians to yourself from now on." It was then all the states and America, nodded in agreement.

"I always knew you were my favorite, Texas," America said, his other states glared at him.

"I've apologized for her enough," Alaska said to the group.

"You obviously haven't. _She's still here!_" Washington said angrily. Oregon and California high-fived their northern sister.

"Hey everyone, don't blame Alaska for that…thing with glasses," Hawaii spoke up, shaking her dark ponytails to the group. She was smaller than everyone else, besides Rhode Island. However, she always stood up for Alaska. Everyone assumed it was because they weren't part of the continental United States.

"Can you two stop fighting please?" Virginia yelled, losing her patience. "We all know Palin isn't going anywhere, unfortunately. No matter how much Alaska apologizes for her. We all know someone, or something, will destroy her at some point. I suggest you all suck it up."

"Besides, I'm starving!" America said, not reading the situation at hand. Everyone facepalmed in response at their adoptive father's comment, except for Texas.

"Ain't you right, Daddy! There ain't no reason to fight on an empty stomach," Texas replied. With that, everyone sighed.

"Okay! Who wants to help make dinner?" Louisiana yelled out. "It's gumbo tonight!" Hawaii, Mississippi, Florida, and Georgia all went to the kitchen. The remaining states walked off to handle other business, Alaska and Texas tailing behind. Texas put his arm around Alaska's shoulders.

"Hey Alaska," he whispered in his ear. "Mine's bigger." Then he ran off. Alaska suddenly got a psycho look in his eyes, and pulled out a big faucet pipe from his coat.

"I'm not just going to hurt him, he's going to die tonight."

_Dear Alaska, keep your politicians to yourself. Sincerely, the other 49._

_Dear Alaska, mine's bigger. Sincerely, Texas._

Footnotes:

is in fact true. In an obesity survey, these cities were ranked in the 25 fattest states in America, so I wanted to clarify that.

's Russian for _fool_.

_A/N: *sighs* Second chapter done! I used two this time! I don't like this one as much as the first one :P. I hope I didn't offend anyone with this. If I did please forgive me, but we have to learn to laugh at ourselves, am I right? Did you like the states? I didn't try to do anything special really. _

_NOW! IT'S SHOUT OUT TIME! TO HEARTSET, ROCKET ICE, ANIMEANGEL1015, BHEL-ELRYSS, SCOUNTINGFORGUYS, CHIBI IGGY, AND 50-STATES, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR REVIEWS, FAVS, AND ALERTS. MUCH IS APPRICIATED!_

_Remember, review are love, and my life supply. Signing out!_


	3. Chapter 3

_A/N: Firstly, *bows in failure and forgiveness*, I am so sorry that this is late. I've been terribly sick with bronchitis (again!) and I'm just now recovering, so I haven't really had time to write the next couple of drabbles :P Along with that, I also had my story for the paper I had to complete during that period OTL. However, I'm just making excuses, so you have the right to be upset with me. I happen to really like this drabble, since it involves two of my favorite characters and siblings, America and Canada! When I was browsing through DBPB, I found this…and God, did it make me laugh to no end~ Once again, may the mayhem commence!_

_Warnings: MAJOR JUSTIN BIEBER BASHING! MAJOR MILEY CYRUS BASHING! Then again, you all enjoy that, right? RIGHT?_

_Disclaimer: __I do not own Hetalia: Axis Powers or Dear Blank, Please Blank, if I did…well, let's NOT think about that, shall we? In addition, I do not own Justin Bieber or Miley Cyrus. If I did, I probably drive them off of a cliff and do this generation a favor~_

Dear Hetalia, Please Make Me Laugh

Chapter 3: Canada to America

_"Baby, baby, baby, oh~~ Baby, baby, baby, oh~~,"_ played on the radio, as America drove his car on the highway to the next world meeting. He clutched the steering wheel so tightly, his knuckles turned white. He wanted to bang his head into it, but was in the right mind to realize how bad it could possibly turn out. He really, _really, _hated that song. Along with every other song that came from that Justin Bieber kid. How old was he, twelve? And was he even a _boy?_ America was starting to find that hard to believe. He quickly changed the radio station.

"_One less lonely girl~~"_

Change.

"_I will never say never~~"_

A nerve snapped in America's head.

"This is so not cool," America shut off the radio. "Why the hell did I leave my iPod at home? Now I have these songs stuck in my head!" The American fumed for a while. He needed someone to blame for this. He thought deeply, which happens rarely, about who brought that Bieber devil into _his_ nation. _His _land of the free and home of the brave.

"Russia? Nah, I don't think he would let _that kid _leave the country," he thought out loud. "Unless he's a spy, which is just stupid." He was thankful for the traffic in front of him, it gave him more time for thinking. He remembered reading an article, because all heroes have to read sometimes, about Bieber and seeing that he was from…what was it again?

"What country was it? You'd think I'd remember it since I'm so amazing," he asked himself. Then it all became clear.

_Canada._

America quickly picked up his phone and dialed his northern brother. He was going to give his brother a piece of his mind. Then he heard the somewhat quiet voice on the other line.

_"Hey Al, I'm in the conference room, where are you?"_

"Don't ask questions!" America yelled. "I called to give you a piece of my mind, so I talk, you listen!"

_"Are you pissed that I kicked you ass at hockey again?" _

"No! I called to tell you that you need to get that Bieber kid out of my country by tomorrow morning, or else!" America added the 'or else' for extra effect. It made him feel like a BAMF.

_"Or else what, eh? Amuse me."_

America froze for a second. He really didn't have anything to go against his brother. Anything he did use against him, the Canadian could probably do the same, and probably ten times worse.

_"If you want to know why I let Bieber cross the border, he's your punishment."_

"Punishment for what?"

_"Miley Cyrus."_

"Wait, what?" America could hear his brother sigh on the other line.

_"You gave my country Miley Cyrus, the annoying little slut she is, and Bieber is your punishment."_

"Oh," America replied. He couldn't say much else. "So you're not taking him back?"

"_No way in hell."_

Dial tone.

_Dear America, _

_ You gave us Miley Cyrus, Bieber is your punishment._

_ Sincerely, Canada_

_A/N: Was Canada in-character? He's actually a lot harder to write than I thought OTL. Reviews are love~ Not to mention my life supply. It is now 3 in the morning so I'm signing out!_


	4. Chapter 4

_A/N: AWWWW YEAHHH! Guess who's back in business baby! I'm so excited to get back to this! I have so many new prompts that I'm so excited to use for this! For those who have been attached to this story, welcome back I hope I'm still as amusing as before. To those new, I hope you'll enjoy yourselves as well~ Here we have another moment with America and Canada, our favorite siblings. When I read this, it was too funny not to pass up. Oh yeah, here's some sassy Canada~_

_Warnings: None for once. Implied and one-sided USUK, I guess. Hehe~ Shippers, eat your hearts out._

_Disclaimer: No, I do not own Hetalia. I don't even think I have the capacity to own a fish._

_**Dear Hetalia, Please Make Me Laugh Chapter 4:**_

_**Canada to America**_

Sounds of gunshots and explosions rang throughout the darkened house...

accompanied by the punching of buttons...

and an occasional curse here and there.

At three in the morning, the North American brothers continued to play the newest co-ops game, at America's insistence.

(Or rather, after whining and complaining for an hour, his brother decided to play along.)

"I just don't understand why Britain won't go out to eat with me." The blue-eyed nation said, throwing a grenade at the enemy side. "It's not like I'm ugly or anything, I mean, I'm helluva looker." A smirk grew across his face.

"You know it's probably because there 98% chance you'd take him to either McDonald's or some other burger joint," Canada deadpanned. Not really out of snarkiness, more so out of exhaustion. He could barely see the television screen anymore.

(Was that a snake or a rifle?)

Trying to function on Red Bull and donuts for 20 hours straight was not exactly the best idea.

"And you know just howmuch he _loves_ American food." He then shot at his brother with a rocket launcher. The accompanying explosions and screams from the TV made the Canadian smirk a little himself.

_Game Over. _The words glowed across the TV screen.

"Shit!" America threw down the game controller and crossed his arms.

Canada stood up from the couch, stretching his aching back.

"Thank God that's over, I'm going to bed." He looked down at the couch at the obvious dent of him sitting there all day. _There goes that one. _

He died a little inside at how much he was going to have to pay for a new sofa.

"That's no fair, you distracted me!" His pouting brother yelled from his spot. "I want a rematch! Besides, I doubt that's why he won't go out with me- hey, where are you going?!"

Canada turned to his brother, with an expression of both exhaustion and just being pissy.

"I'm _going _to _bed._" _And I can think of a million and one reasons why Britain won't go out with you. _

(He keep that thought in his head for the sake of not exhausting himself anymore that night, or really morning.)

Canada turned back and tried to head down the hallway, to the stairs and finally, to bed.

"Well...YOUR FACE!" America crossed his arms in a triumphant pose, head held high. He didn't notice Canada's expression that said '_are you fucking serious?' _Canada held his nose trying to contain his temper, which only works but so well, really.

"Alfred," his brother perked up at the sound of his human name. "You know we're twins, right?"

"Uh-huh. I'm older by two minutes, haha."

(Eye twitch.)

"Yeah, that's all great, but you know we're _identical _twins, right?"

"Totally, dude."

(More eye twitching.)

"So you know what that means, right?"

"Uhh..."

(Snap.)

"IT MEANS WE HAVE THE SAME GODDAMN FACE!"

Canada watched as the gears shifted in his American brother's head, trying to figure out what he meant.

(Even though it was really obvious. Still, America's a ditz.)

_In about three...two...one..._

"FUCK!"

"Good night."

_Dear Identical Twin Sister,_

_Please understand that "your face" isn't a good insult when we have the same face..._

_Sincerely, your twin sister._

_A/N: Hooray! This was fun~ I love snarky!Canada; he's great to write for. Anyways, I hope you'll continue to follow this story for great laughs and giggles. More to come in the near future and feel free to check out my other fics! Oh, and review! I like those things :)_


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